Is this some kind of retro bullshit that people insist on using despite its obvious and oftentimes horrendous flaws? I've never seen anything so utterly ridiculous; can't you just give me a normal phone with a normal ring without any of this 'take calls when you're out and about' wank? What makes you think that I'd be more open to the idea of having a chat when I've got something constantly beeping and blipping in my pocket vying for my attention? Does that really sound like a situation anyone would willingly put themselves into if they had a choice? And why is it so hard to come by an everyday phone without any of that fancy, mamby pamby 'oh I'm typing to you from another room, look how sophisticated I am' gobshite? You're just doing this to piss me off, now, aren't you?

Forget it. I don't want to talk to any of you anyway; just fuck off, the lot of you.

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